It Must Have Been Love
by Skryva
Summary: Set in Season 3, at the end of episode 16 and before episode 17. It's before Tom and Liz wedding. Keenler story. One shot. English is not my first language, so every mistakes is mine. I welcome any reviews. )


**Author's note:**

One shot. Set in season 3 between episode 16 and 17 when Liz decided to remarry Tom Keen. Ressler's thought/inner voice was written in italic.

Warning: it is sad.

 **It Must Have Been Love**

Donald Ressler was sitting in his office, shoulders slumped. Though his eyes pointed to a pile of papers on the desk in front of him, he looked at nothing. His face was blank. His mind was empty. He felt numb inside.

They just finished "The Caretaker" case that day. After all pressures along the case, including how Samar's ridiculous and Aram's dangerous acts towards him, he just wanted to go home fast, took a beer, and drowned in his bed. So, after he defused the bomb and got back to Post Office, he immediately went to Cooper's office to give him his report. But, when he was about leaving, Aram opened the door before he did. He said sorry for interrupting them when he saw him stood there. Cooper told him they had already finished anyway and asked for his need. That was when he and Samar entered and broke the news that made him paralyze. '... _Liz and Tom are getting married..._ " Apparently Aram wanted them to discuss about what they should do or give to Liz, but he did not hear what their discussion was afterwards because his mind froze. The only thing kept flashing in his mind was again ' _Liz is going to marry her ex_ ' and ' _he is the last person to know, indirectly_ '. He excused himself when Cooper asked him whether he was allright. He mumbled ' _has something to do_ ', but knew he had lost his coolness.

And there he was, drowning in his chair. Hand supported his chin. Thinking hard.

' _What is wrong with us?'_

Ever since she had been free, they didn't talk very much. He felt a glimpse of hope that he might reach her when he caught her. That he finally could really talk to her like before Connolly had happened. That she might trust him again. That she might tell him more about her personal life – her problems with Red or Tom – like before. She didn't know how her statement about 'he did so much more than just doing his job' had made him feel. He felt like flying to the sky. He wanted to give her a hug – but too afraid to scare her. After she was attacked by an unknown man, he was worried sick. He wanted to be with her all the time but couldn't leave work and he knew Red had taken care of her very well. And also Tom Keen had always been around. Suddenly he felt she was closer to him when she's still in the cell, waiting to be exonerated, than after.

He could not help himself thinking whether she only used him. But then he rejected the thought vehemently.

He sighed heavily. Another question popped up through his mind.

' _Have I made the wrong move? Has she never expected my response or reaction towards her lately?'_

' _Why Tom again?_ _It is a fact she is pregnant with Tom's child but I would not mind to_ ..." He stopped his trailed thought.

His own answer hit him like a ton of bricks.

' _She must love him very hard then_. _She easily forgives and forgets_. _Well, I can't_. _I can't forget her face when she stood at my door without knowing where else to go. I can't forget her story about her fake husband. I can't certainly forget her ruined place the next morning. All are as fresh as yesterday._ _I might could work with Tom Keen in certain situation but l can't forget what he ever did to her. I can't forgive him. Not now. I still can't really trust the man. How could I?_ '

He wished he could, after all Tom Keen had contributions to exonerate Liz in amount he himself reluctantly admitted. Nevertheless the memories – her look, her place, her pain – haunted him.

' _They say love is not how you forget but how you forgive... Tom is a lucky man... His past was dark, tainted with crime and violence, but still she ...'_ He stopped and gave in. _'It's true what they say that love is blind and really damn stupid.'_

Never in his life he felt so alone.

But then he could not stop another voice mocking him.

' _Well, how about yourself, Donnie boy? She's a felon. She put her distance after all you've done for her but still you want to be closer than ever to... You must love her very hard then!"_

He cursed the voice and told it to shut up in some languages he knew.

"Ressler!"

He jerked out of his sad thoughts.

' _Speak of the devil..._ '

He was just looking at her. His energy was loss.

"Are you okay? You look... pale..."

He tried to regain control for himself.

"Sure... fine."

"I heard you're the hero today... you know... with the bomb."

Her smile infected him.

"Come on, Keen! I am the hero everyday." He countered.

She rolled her eyes and laughed.

' _It's nice to have you here..._ ' his mind whispered.

He knew why she came here.

"Look, I'd better go home. It's late. You should too." He said and stood.

"Oh, yes, I'm about leaving. But I need to tell you something."

He waited. Eyes were never leaving her. On the contrary, her eyes danced around, not directly engaging with his when she said, "I know what you'll think. Actually, I still haven't decided when, but Tom and I are ..."

"Getting married again so I heard." He cut her off, forcefully said the words. He couldn't hear this.

They stared each other. No smile, no laughter, just a sudden of heavy air. Her expression changed slowly. Ressler swallowed hard. It was painful to realize that he contributed to her sadness look.

' _Maybe it's time to let go_. _Maybe they're never meant to be..._ "

Then she said "Look, Ressler, I...", at the same time when he said, "Congratulation, Keen..."

She blinked in disbelief.

"What?" she asked.

Ressler frowned.

' _What do you expect me to say?_ _I don't want to start an argument or a fight with you_. _Not again._ _At least they haven't set the date yet..._ _Maybe I still could say something for her to consider_...'

His inner voice ended abruptly because the very pregnant Elizabeth Keen hugged him suddenly.

"Thank you." She whispered softly to his ear.

It took one minute or two before he could relax himself into her embrace and carefully returned the hug.

' _When was the last time I hugged her like this?'_ He remembered then. The first and last time they held each other were after the Stewmaker case. But this time was different.

' _She is more energized and seemed genuinely happy_. _Maybe it's really time to let her go, Donnie_...'

But another voice in his mind protested. ' _To let her go without even really have her_?'

"Ouw." he unintentionally said when he felt the kick from her baby bump to his abdomen. Liz released herself from him and laughed. He looked at the bump, restrained himself to put his hand on her bump, and looked up to her face.

' _She is happy. If she's so happy then why should I keep my own pain? I have no right... no reason...'_

Both ends of his lips raised a little, formed a softly smile.

"So... see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"Sure, Keen."

He put his hands into his pockets, held himself not to reach and take her again, watched her walking freely to his door. When she reached her door, she spun and said,

"Don't work too hard, will you? Go home."

' _Work is all I have now. It saved me._ ' He defended himself. But to her he only nodded.

He did not know how long he sat there again afterwards. Something still burdened his mind and heart.

' _Maybe I could tell her tomorrow. Maybe we can talk more. Does she really forget what he did to her? It's only for her consideration..._ '

Someone opened his door. He looked up. Startled.

"Donald..."

It was Reddington. He looked sad. He could figure out the reason.

"Care to join me?"

He took his jacket without thinking or saying words and followed the man.


End file.
